Sleep is so important to increase your emotional intelligence and manage your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Additionally your brain heals itself and the body flushes fluid through it to replenish it with nutrients and remove toxins. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep.

Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. And that’s why lack of sleep is a form of torture – All the parents out there will have experienced periods of lack of sleep with their kids, even without it being an obvious stressor. Remember that feeling?

Stressful projects often make you feel as if you have no time to sleep, but taking the time to get a decent night’s sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting things under control.

Aim for 7-8 hours a night for optimum benefits from sleep. Too much or too little can have negative effects.

A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you focus on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that— thoughts, not facts. However the unconscious mind is a bit like a young child, and what it hears, it takes literally, so careful what you say. Once it believes you are that person (useless, hopeless at X) it will then do its best to be what you say you are. So careful not to let it be self-fulfilling!!

When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things, you need stop what you're doing and write down what you're thinking. Once you've taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.

I am pretty confident that the statements aren’t true any time you use words like “never,” “worst,” “ever,” etc. Ask yourself for example, “how are you the worst specifically?”, “Are you the only person to ever have done this?” or “Never, or just this time?” etc. Once you start being specific you will start to see what is really the problem. If your statements still look like facts once they’re on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out.

From this point I move my clients to the next stage to help them release any limiting beliefs they may have that are the root of these comments, along with any negative emotions and then install positive beliefs and values that help them achieve their goals.

Stress and worry are increased by our own perception of events. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so stressed all the time.

If you start getting into a negative spiral remember that we cannot control others or circumstances directly but we can control how we respond and feel about them. Because we are in control of ourselves and our thoughts.

So before you go into that spiral, take some time to put the situation into perspective. We tend to think in broad sweeping statements such as “Everything is going wrong” or “Nothing will work out.” When you do this you need to reframe the situation. A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these  will look much more manageable, whilst reducing your stress levels.

The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do everyday anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back. When you’re feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing, which will prevent your mind from wandering. Think about how it feels to breathe IN… and OUT.

This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than a minute or two. It’s all right if you get sidetracked by another thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing. If staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start again from 1. Don’t worry if you lose count; you can always just start over.

A method to calm and centre yourself is to take 4 breaths in and 8 breaths out and repeat, until feel better. This will slow your heart rate down and also your Blood pressure plus many other physiological changes helping you to regain your thoughts and feel more positive again whilst dispersing any negative thoughts that felt as though they were previously stuck in your brain.

It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help or seek outside expertise when you need it. Delegate… Delegate… Delegate!

Additionally stopping feeling you are alone is helpful. Something as simple as talking about your worries will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you with a new perspective on the situation. So long as you don’t keep reliving the negative situation and validating the reason why you think you are a failure! Be careful. Use it as a way to gain perspective and not to chastise yourself.

Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will help reduce your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely upon. 

The tricky thing about stress and anxiety is that we are designed to feel this emotion as our brains are wired as such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. So as long as the stress isn’t prolonged, it’s harmless and can help us focus and take action.

“I think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert,” Kirby says.

The problem however is that life has become generally fuller and therefore more pressures and stresses, such as:- trying to be the best at your job to keep it; trying to prove yourself for promotion; making enough to pay bills; juggling work-life balance; juggling family life; being a good parent; helping kids with their endless homework; cook; cleaner; entertainer; taxi for kids taken them to activities; seeing friends and extended family – Still with only 24 hours and 7 days in a week; a very near impossible task! These constant spinning plates keep that stress going for prolonged periods of time and if not careful most of the time.

Basically Stress taps into our fight or flight response by releasing adrenaline and other hormones to help us take action! Initially when we received stress signals, our bodies produced the adrenaline to help us fight or flee the situation, but both generally required us to be more active in our response in order to survive. However nowadays we experience stress whilst in the car or sat at our desks at work, or worries about our finances. Therefore these days the stress hormones and adrenaline released are not used up and simply stays in our bodies longer than we were designed for giving us the unhelpful and unhealthy physiological responses.

Research from the University of California, Berkeley, reveals an upside to experiencing moderate levels of stress. It also reinforces how important it is to keep stress under control. The study, led by post doctoral fellow Elizabeth Kirby found that the onset of stress entices the brain into growing new cells responsible for new memory. However, this effect is only seen when stress is intermittent. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, a Yale Study found it suppresses the brain’s ability to develop new cells and can actually cause degeneration in the area of the brain that is linked with self control. Interesting!! Could this be a self-perpetuating issue?

The clients I see with stress problems take a longer time to train themselves to take control of their thoughts and behaviours and prefer to blame everything on someone, something or the situation so they have an excuse not to show self-control themselves. However with coaching we can and do change this process into a healthier way of thinking and being.

Health Issues related to Stress
Stress not only increases our risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity but it also decreases our cognitive performance. The good thing is that we rarely have imminent danger from predators anymore so the bulk of stress is subjective and can be kept under our control. Top performers have great coping strategies that they employ under stressful circumstances. This enables them to lower their stress levels regardless of what’s happening in their environment, ensuring that the stress they experience is intermittent and not prolonged.

So what are the ten most effective strategies that successful people employ when faced with stress?

Some of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the ability to actually do so in spite of your stress.

What are you grateful for? Appreciating what you have improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. That’s good going! Research conducted at the University of California, Davis found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

Start a gratitude diary today and think of 3 things every day you are grateful for. This will actually help your mind see the positive things in life and a sunnier outlook on life helping you stay relaxed.

There are 4 different key categories of people. Why? People; How? People; What? People and What If? People. Successful people tend not to ask these questions as know it will take them down a negative path and for their success it is dependent on being positive.

However, “What if?” statements enhance the need to worry as it pre-empts every bad scenario that could possibly happen in relation to a situation. Hence not just dealing the consequences of 1 trauma but many. Remember the unconscious mind can’t decipher between memories or visualisations and reality so will believe it is experiencing all these problems increasing all the stress hormones in the body.  So the less time you spend focusing on the possible problems and more time taking action, will actually help calm you down and keep your stress under control. Calm people know that asking “what if? will only take them to a place they don’t want—or need—to go. Follow their example.

Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain’s attention onto something that is completely stress-free. You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do, to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, this can be a challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can't think of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or even the previous week. Or perhaps you’re looking forward to an exciting event that you can focus your attention on. The point here is that you must have something positive that you're ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative.

To help my clients I teach them Peripheral Vision to remove them from the negative state and then set a resource anchor that they can set off holding many strong positive emotions that flood through their body changing their biochemistry into more positive chemicals being released. Very handy to get you more positive.

Given the importance of keeping stress intermittent, it’s easy to see how taking regular time off can help keep your stress under control. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stress, forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body a break from a constant source of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels.

Although I am sure we all agree that technology is a great thing and having mobile communication is very useful is also means we find it hard to cut those ties and go cold turkey without it. This means we are always aware that at any moment we could receive an e-mail re work that could totally derail our time off, as when it pings in, we can’t resist to check it and then we start thinking about that instead of the relaxing situation we are in or trying to create.

Get into the habit of turning your phone off at night, especially when you go to bed and at times over the weekend. You will be amazed at how much this refreshes you by recharging your mind and reducing stress levels.

I am a sucker at catching up with e-mails and social media for my business in the evening but at night I always turn my phone and ipad off and on holiday it all gets turned off at the airport and remains off for the entire trip. This time is vital to recharge and allows me to be fresh coming back to it.

If co-workers and clients expect you to answer, it’s time to start educating them by turning it off in a quiet period and then building your confidence and training your co-workers to extend this period away from technology. It really is worth it. Avoid burn out and implement these boundaries now! Win-win for all!!

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favour of a quick response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email or when someone cuts you up on the motorway!

Try converting to caffeine free versions or herbal options. Additionally, due to the fluctuations of cortisol levels, hormone that helps us wake in the morning (and also a stress hormone if it builds), an apple is more effective at kick starting your day than a caffeine fuelled cuppa!

Watch out for the next installment with the other Top 5 Tips to combat stress and to be Successful in Part 2. Give them a go and love to hear your comments.