How easy is it to hide our sadness or tears in front of others, and try to “Man Up” rather than show our vulnerability?
We’ve all been there haven’t we? In a situation where we felt ourselves about to cry in front of a lot of people and trying to do anything to avoid an awkward situation, like clearing your throat, or looking at the ceiling, anything to avoid being in an embarrassing situation.
It’s important not hide who you are but to be yourself, and it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.
Vulnerability not only opens us up but it opens others up too. It gives others permission to be themselves without any pretence and to share what’s in their hearts. Your vulnerability helps others share their natural self by reaching out and helping others in pain and by doing so feels right and that’s what it’s all about.
I am lucky enough to have coached many amazing people who have overcome all sorts in their lives. In order to help this process I like to share my experiences and vulnerabilities to help them to open up and share more than they may have otherwise. As an NLP Life Coach I believe it is so important to have a 2-way open relationship with my clients by both of us being honest showing our vulnerable sides and fears.
In moments of vulnerability, most people don’t judge us, they support us as the fear of being judged or embarrassed comes from the feeling of being exposed, alone rejected and to move past this fear, vulnerability shows courage.
Research shows that forming strong bonds with others is good for our hearts, minds our immune systems and even helps us live longer! Can’t be bad.
However, in the human psyche, the need to be connected also gives birth to a fear of being rejected, of not being connected, of being ignored or left alone. That is why we are so afraid of showing our vulnerabilities, we’re afraid of being judged or embarrassed or deeper than that is the fear we will be rejected, because if we’re rejected, we won’t be connected.
Being rejected is similar to a threat to our survival, it’s why it feels so scary and hurts so much. This is the underlying reason we hold back from showing our vulnerabilities and only of letting people see our good side and avoiding them seeing our “wobbly bits!”
The truth is that as long as we’re holding back from being our true selves it is not possible to service our deep biological need to connect .The only way we can truly service the biological need for connection is to be ourselves, so that means that sometimes we need to have the courage to show our vulnerabilities, or at least let them surface, and stop burying them.
I know for me and my clients, sessions work much better when the client is open and allows themselves to feel exposed and show those vulnerabilities. At this point I can help my client make the biggest steps moving forward and being the best they can be. Plus on a personal level, being an open person myself, who shares my vulnerabilities, I admire my clients for showing their vulnerabilities too and can see their real strength within.
Vulnerability is our best side, it’s our human side as everyone has worries, fears, concerns, everyone worries about whether they will be liked or accepted. Vulnerability takes courage but it is important to show our true side and express ourselves rather than hiding our true self.
The courage to be vulnerable is a huge statement of self-love, it says This is who I am, World, just as I am. Right now, in this moment, I don’t need you or anyone else to like me or even to approve of me. This is me, as I am, and I know that I am enough.”
Vulnerability doesn’t mean you have to be an open book, it just asks that you are not afraid to be yourself and by doing so you understand that you are absolutely enough.