Anger Awareness Week 1-7 Dec
When social media turns into cyber bullying and the devastating impact it has that lasts into adulthood.
Social media is now such a huge part of the way we live our
lives and covers a wide range of gaming sites and messaging
apps such as Xbox Live, Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram
etc. This should be a fun pastime for children and adults to
catch up with their friends to enjoy and unwind after school
and work pressures.
What happens when this turns into cyber bullying, which
takes place online and through tablets and phones?
Suddenly this harmless way of communicating with friends can escalate into something more sinister and leaves the individual feeling lonely, overwhelmed and distressed. With mobile technology being so accessible it can be an ongoing problem that for some it may feel like
it will never get better,and can escalate into a huge problem that takes over their life as it seems that
there is no escape.
With cyber bullying on the increase our poor children can feel weighed down with this pressure causing
low self esteem, withdrawal from social situations, changes in personality and it can lead to
resentment later on in life, which in turn creates anger chains (Gestalts), which weigh them down and
leaves a long lasting imprint that follows them into adulthood, causing them to behave
inappropriately, due to feeling strong, unwarranted, negative emotions.
Being a teenager is hard enough anyway with the
physical changes happening as well as changes in the levels
of hormones and the stresses caused by exams and high levels
of homework. Add bullying to the mix and the victim can be
left feeling upset and overwhelmed which then turns to anger,
as well as fear, hurt, sadness and even guilt. At this point it is
vital to offer support and listen rather than get angry at them. Anger can be infectious as our bodies’ mirror reflexes pick up on their anger, resulting in your body mimicking these biochemicals, causing you to quickly feel anger from your child and this can weigh you down and cause you to exacerbate the problem, if it isn’t addressed.
Perception is projection is key in every negative interaction. Understanding this helps you detach
yourself from the emotion and see the situation clearer. It has 3 meanings:-
- If you can see something in someone else that triggers you, then there’s something inside you
that needs to be dealt with to release that negative feeling. Think of putting up a magic mirror
that helps you to look inside at any limiting beliefs you may have been holding you back, e.g.
“I’m a people pleaser and so upset they don’t appreciate me”. (It’s never your responsibility
to please others, Your job is to be kind and have a good intention with everything you do that
also is good for you) and many more we think are right beliefs but may not be healthy or good
- If another person is negative towards you then it's a reflection of their issues, insecurities
and problems. It’s a bit like holding up a mirror to that person and they are reflecting that trait
or behaviour on to you. Always remember that it is the other person with the problem NOT YOU.
So step back and learn a bit about what the other person could be like underneath… their issues.
- In every situation think about what feeling you are bringing to those around you. Be honest
with yourself. Are you causing someone to react, as you are projecting, anger, anxiety, unconfidence, distrust etc? As they will pick up on this unconsciously and react before they realise what they
are doing. Go into all situations looking for the positives in everyone. NB. You can still set
boundaries with others to keep you safe and happy but by seeing the positives in others you will
be emitting positivity to them and they will be more likely to do so back to you.
Supporting the victim of bullying is vital by building up their confidence and telling them to be
proud of whom they are and reinforcing that they have done nothing wrong and it is unacceptable
to be treated in this way. Talking is essential and knowing that there is help and support out
there and that they do not have to go through this on their own. Plus know other strong,
amazing people go through it too or have been through it and gone onto do amazing things,
much better than the person bullying them. This shows it is nothing that they are doing or nothing to do with who they are, it’s just a mixture of all the rubbish the bully feels about themselves
and their own inadequacies and low self esteem.
Note many adults I see often have hangups still that prevent them from being the person they
are meant to be, because of things like bullying that happened in the past. So important we deal
with it as early as possible. If you’d like to chat about how I could help you as an adult or
your teenager then please let me know. There are lots of tools and interventions to help move
you and your child forward in a positive and healthy way.