is a struggle during lockdown?
These are unprecedented times we find ourselves in. Our lives have changed dramatically and each person will have a slightly different set of challenges to confront. Whether you have become unemployed, facing financial insecurity, have underlying health conditions or vulnerable parents. Perhaps you are working from home, whilst trying to juggle online schooling for your children?
Are you feeling stressed, is your patience running thin, are you struggling to hold your tongue? Are little things start to wind you up? - how the dishwasher is stacked, how messy the house is with everyone at home, who didn’t change the empty loo roll tube (if you have some!) and why can’t someone put the toilet seat down.
Lockdown really is a challenge in so many ways. Would you have ever believed anyone who told you that in 2020 you would be spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week with your partner - you would laugh at the thought! But here we are, and we don’t know when it will end!
We need to learn to adapt to a new way of living. We have to figure out new ways of working, living, parenting and just getting along with each other.
There is fear, there is frustration, tension and stress…. which means there will be conflict. There will be differing views and clashes of coping styles. It’s a situation that is enough to test even the strongest partnership! Couples that might have been fine before might struggle over the next few months.
I read recently that after COVID-19 cases reduced in China and lockdown was relaxed, there was a reported surge in divorce filings since couples were forced into mandatory lockdown together. UK news has also predicted a rise in divorce applications due to Covid-19.
One quote I saw online is ‘You can’t spell divorce without c-o-v-i-d’.
The road to a good marriage is not an easy one. It takes hard work, commitment and determination, without this marriages can fall apart - this applies even more so during a crisis!
Remember, whatever we are focused on we will find. So if you are looking for the problems, irritations, the final straw to validate your thinking, you’ll find it. So why not start looking for the good and work together on how to move forward in an agreed way, thinking of each other and setting mutual boundaries that work well for both sides. Often we only need to tweak what we are doing to get back on track.
By using NLP, hypnotherapy, life and relationship coaching techniques, you can significantly improve how you view your life, your relationships and your health. It can teach you new skills and behaviours and is a very powerful process, changing old destructive pathways, behaviours and thoughts into new positive pathways.
It can help you manage emotions and feelings, prioritise what is important and will definitely help you highlight bad behaviours that have been picked up along the way that are contributing to your marriage breakdown. It can help you change the way you think - to turn negativity into positive focus and choices.
Here are 12 areas that I recommend both parties in the marriage to work on, if you truly want your marriage to survive this storm.
Banish negative thoughts
If you are thinking you would be better off getting divorced, that is the way your marriage is likely to head. Tell yourself that divorce is not an option, focus on how you can make your marriage work. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.
Forgiveness is a gift you can give yourself - Don’t allow resentment to build up. Don’t hold grudges. These negative emotions will only feed the marriage breakdown. Forgive and move on.
Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It can transform your life and open up incredible opportunities for love, joy, and success. It shifts your perspective and helps you learn and find the good in each and every moment… even the dark moments! Click HERE to find more on how to practice gratitude.
Don’t take your partner for granted
We all want to feel loved and special, even when we have been with our partner for a long time, do something to show how you still care - just a small gesture, or maybe a surprise date - bring some sparkle back into your relationship.
Support each other
You need to be there for one another - especially during this difficult time, to give your full attention when your partner is struggling. As you would like them to do the same for you, should the tables be turned. Show empathy and interest.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
This is key - deal with problems head on. Once communication breaks down in a marriage, resentment and contempt build, these problems then become more difficult to solve.
When you are going through a difficult time, it’s easy to stop looking after yourself, to become anxious, depressed and have sleep issues. It’s important to take steps to look after your health, this will enable you to cope better and have a more positive attitude towards improving your marriage. You may also need personal space at this time - let your partner know you need some time out and they will understand. Call a friend and have a chat - sharing how you are feeling can often help.
It does not take much effort to give small compliments to each, but we become stubborn and it becomes a stand off - if you don’t hear your partner giving them to you, you don’t either! Take the first step - drop a compliment or two and see the positive results!
Be responsible for you
Take responsibility and control for the way you think, the way you feel, how you behave and the way you speak. In NLP terms, these are the four powers - these are the things only you can truly control. You cannot control how other people think, feel, behave or speak, if you try it only brings stress, so stop trying to and focus on yourself.
Give feedback not judgement
Rather than making critical statements that make your partner feel attacked and put your partner on the defensive. Explain how you feel about a situation and how their doing something differently could make you feel much better.
Don’t hesitate to get help! It is not a weakness to realise that you need a third party for support to help you get your marriage back on track. Even during Covid-19 online counselling is available to you.
You both have to want to keep your marriage on track. It has to be a joint effort.
If this resonates with you and you would like to give me a call to see how I can help, I can offer you a 15 minute FREE consultation. Click below to get in touch: